Choose your Sign of Doom

Congratulations, you’ve stumbled upon the only horoscope that tells it like it is—cold, brutal, and laced with just enough dark humor to keep you laughing through the cosmic chaos. Your destiny isn’t written in the stars; it’s scribbled in barely legible handwriting by a half-drunk celestial intern. Want to know what fresh disaster the universe has in store for you? Enter… if you dare.